I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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