dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
