low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
