I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
