we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There r osticjed everywhere
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
