Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
