Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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