I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
