she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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