I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
