Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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