New invention idea: vibrating tampons
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
