If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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