Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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