Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
