i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
