do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
