its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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