My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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