Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
don't judge my taste in strippers
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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