haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
