Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
