Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
