there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
