You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
