im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
