Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
