TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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