trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
