He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
