I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
