fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
