what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
