i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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