'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
