mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
