dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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