turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
