On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
