did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
