spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
