College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
