im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
