sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Panties = found
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
