this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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