So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
