look no pants
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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