Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
