I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
