I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think my tv is drunk
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
