You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
