I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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