Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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