Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
