Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
