She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
