It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
