There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
